Sports

Maybe it is because I am Irish. Maybe it is because I was raised in a house where it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it is because in stead of little league and Jr. Jazz, I was in art classes and taking trombone lessons. My dad isn't un-athletic, just more cerebral. In fact, my mom had to teach me how to swing a baseball bat, because, well, there aren't a lot of baseball diamonds in Northern Ireland. In fact, I still have a bump on the back of my head from that baseball lesson, and I suspect that when my mom said "stand here and watch the ball" that she meant watch the bat, but that did "drive home" (pun intended) just how hard one must swing a bat if one wants an eight year old to fly like a solid base hit.

I guess I just don't really get it. I have coworkers who take weeks at a time off in March to ensure that they can be sufficiently drunk in time for their team to lose, usually "thanks to poor reffing," friends who will watch the same episode of SportsCenter every time it airs (4 times a night) and predict which baseball hits are home runs by shouting "gone" after the third airing, and I knew doctors' offices in Colorado that literally shut down whenever the Broncos play. I guess if they are sick during a Broncos' game, best of luck to them. I am not criticizing, believe me, I am no stranger to fanaticism, as my wife will attest (we have gone to movies on our anniversary - sad i know, but it was opening day!) but for sports it just isn't like that for me.

My "blue collar" friends will accuse me of being a girl (they have before) for not loving sports enough to vegetate for 17 hours straight, and I do enjoy an occasional game. I will go to a Jazz game or two each year, I watch the super bowl, and I used to love me some USU basketball - I went to every game when I was in HS. I don't even consider myself particularly unathletic, although my golf buddies may disagree, but watching golf for more than a few minutes? No thanks.

This brings me to the top 4 things I don't get about sports and the people who love them. Again, no offense is intended, but this struck me this past week and I have been feeling guilty that I haven't posted in a while.

1 Delusion

Your team will not always win, unless your team is the Chicago Bulls from when I was growing up - man those guys were fun to watch. If your team is the Utah Jazz, STOP ACTING SURPRISED when they blow a 20 point lead, when Kirilenko chokes, when the reps give them no love, and overall when they lose. If you follow Hockey closely, come to grips that you are one of 7 people in Utah who does, and stop acting surprised when nobody else knows what you are talking about when you reference the "crease" and the "Great one." If you follow curling, move back to Canada. If you follow swimming outside the Olympics, there is something profoundly wrong and you need psychological help. In all, stop acting like if you pretend your team has a chance, that they actually do. The Jazz will probably always choke. The Lakers will probably always be good, and no matter how much fun hockey is to watch, it isn't going to be basketball (can you imagine if 40% of households had hockey goals instead of basketball hoops? It just wouldn't be right). Your team can't always win, and unfortunately, most of the time they lose more often, so let's inject a little realism and start expecting it. I don't expect a Nicholas Cage movie to have Oscar caliber acting, and I don't expect an Oscar nominee to have any "Michael Bay" explosions. I deal with it, and enjoy the show anyway.

2 Sports movies

I'm looking at you Rocky. Talk about formulaic! I can't talk many more spins on the "underdog story with classically expressed racial tensions and a message of hard work triumphing over skill." The only one that was even remotely surprising was Friday Night Lights, and that was BC they lost. The movies are to young boys what princess stories are to young girls. They set an inaccurate expectation of happily ever after that sets people up for disappointment when they realize that they aren't like the people in "Remember the Titans." Maybe this one causes the first??

3 Soccer

Entertaining, faster paced than football and baseball, loved world-wide EXCEPT in the USA. Why? Maybe rooted in American desire to fly the rest of the world the finger. To take something loved universally, and say "Meh, we can do better with football. Let's use our hands, hell let's take feet out of it almost entirely just to confuse everyone else." Maybe it is that email forward showing the hot women that are soccer fans in other countries, and the overweight dude with the American flag cape and no shirt. Don't get it, feel free to comment.

4 Recaps

Talking in excruciating detail about the plays in games from years ago, or really more than the past week is not only bizarre, it makes you look like some sort of idiot savant. Keep up the dream though, and maybe one day you will find the calling that matches your skill. Wait, ESPN hasn't called you yet? See #1